Greeks take country back

Greek government falls to protesters wanting ‘fresh start’

After months of escalating skirmishes between freedom fighters and security forces, the announcement of a new ‘bailout’ for Greece, alongside the ominous cloud of further oppressive sanctions from the EU regime, pushed hundreds of thousands of Greek citizens to join the movement and march on the Hellenic Parliament.

This time the police barrier guarding the building stood aside and the people took back their country.

Greece’s monetary situation had caused great consternation among its people. While most believed the country’s finances were poorly managed, the majority also were confident that being part of the failed Eurozone was causing unnecessary pain to citizens, such as loss of jobs and ever-increasing taxes among others.

Erosion of financial sovereignty for the sake of French and German banks had finally pushed the silent majority to breaking point as they felt their government could no longer credibly claim to represent its people.

Speaking at a hastily convened press conference earlier this afternoon, Greek ‘interim leader’ Dino Konstantinos assured international allies of his attention to keep Greece running as usual. He said:

“Today the Greek people announce their freedom. We have lived under German control twice now and have been devastated both times as a result.

“The oppressive EU regime has caused great hardship for our people and the previous government was not listening. From today we unilaterally withdraw from the Eurozone and prepare our country for free and fair elections. We hope our traditional allies on the continent will not abandon us.”

The British government immediately came out in support of the new Greek interim government, stating that it hoped it would bring a new period of prosperity for the Greek nation and closure for the Eurozone’s crisis.

France and Germany are yet to comment.

Falklands leased to the Chinese

Controversial £40bn deal criticised by international law experts goes ahead regardless.

In a move that’s already brought questions about the legality of the manoeuvre, the United Kingdom announced the lease of the Falkland Islands to the People’s Republic of China for £40 billion over 10 years.

The move has angered both the island’s population and the British public, who had been commemorating the 30 year anniversary of war with Argentina over the right of the islanders to self-determination.

Situated in an isolated spot 250 nautical miles from the nearest continent, the Falkland Islands’ history has always been controversial, with various European settlements before the British finally established a consistent presence there in 1833 having re-asserted their authority over the islands claimed since 1765.

Fully constituted in 1853, Argentina has contested this rather tenuously especially in the late 20th century and onwards, forcing a drubbing from the British in 1982 in retaliation for their invasion, stating the Falkland islanders’ right to self-determination came above all else.

It seems hard to reconcile this position with today’s lease, given that 100% of Falkland Islanders surveyed (3,140, er all of them) were against the move. ‘We’re a bit upset,’ said one of the thousands of locals that expressed similar views in the face of harsh political reality.

Speaking yesterday evening at a press conference with one of the many faceless functionaries of the Chinese leadership, British Prime Minister David Cameron explained his position:

“Argentina’s constant threat to the sovereignty of the Falkland Islands really became a pain in the arse. Labour made us broke, holding onto the islands didn’t seem like a good deal for the British taxpayer and our short-sighted defence policy leaves us without an aircraft carrier and largely relying on empty threats to keep them anyway.

“China has assured us that they’re only interested in the oil and will leave the people free to carry out their lives democratically, in the same way as Hong Kong basically worked out okay. We’ll have the islands back when we’ve got a military to defend them again, George gets a few more billion to pay the underclass to breed and everyone’s a winner.”

With the recent discovery of oil and dodgy socialist policies at home, Argentina’s female leader has shown renewed interest in stealing the islands, especially with the possible oil discovered. She was characteristically irate on hearing about the deal, despite being previously fairly good mates with the growing Communist world power.

“Of course we’re angry, we always are as our population seem gullible enough to blame the British for everything and have been for decades,” Argentinean comrade Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner said today.

“At least with this deal we can blame a more credible enemy than that of a fading has-been of an Empire for our problems.”