New Greggs pasty for Osborne

Greggs release ‘caviar and salmon roe mini-pasty’ in Chancellor’s honour

Stunned by the revelations that George Osborne could not recall the last time he had a Greggs’ pasty, Ken McMeikan, chief executive of Greggs, has announced a new range of high-end products to attempt to entice the Chancellor in.

The new range of takeaway food would be outside the average Greggs customer’s budget, clocking in between £20-80 depending on the size/filling and includes such culinary gems as the ‘caviar and salmon roe mini-pasty’.

A spokesman for Greggs said today:

“We couldn’t believe our George hasn’t had a pasty at Greggs in such a long time that he can’t even remember it.

‘In light of this, we’re happy to announce our new top-rate taxpayer ‘TT’ range in honour of his contribution so far as Chancellor of the Exchequer.”

The MP for Tatton could not be reached for comment.

Camelgate: Blair caught in the saddle

Mounted pursuits claim their first scalp

Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair was forced to resign from his post as Special Envoy of the Quartet of the Middle East as pictures emerged of him riding camels with President Bashar al-Assad of Syria.

With the recent focus on atrocities occurring throughout the country, the timing of the release of the image was unfortunate and made his position promoting peace in the Middle East untenable. Announcing his resignation, Mr Blair said:

“I want to make it absolutely clear: my actions were justified and I am not guilty of any wrongdoing. Yes, I did go on a camel ride with President Assad.

“Considering the current climate, I and others felt such a revelation at this time would make the progress of peace in the Middle East difficult with the publicity surrounding me at present. I maintain that fostering close and cosy relations with evil dictators is the best way to forge world peace.”

Responding to the accusations of excessive pay, he categorically stated:         “My bank balance is no higher than any other socialist in the public eye.”

Union officials were not available to comment to confirm this.